Healthy Relationship Tips

#relationships #marriage #couples #counseling #couplescounseling #therapy #healthyrelationships

I have been a couple's counselor for nearly 10 years, and it has been an amazing experience. I have seen a lot of relationships in my therapy office, that come in mostly for "communication issues", and leave with a toolbox of not only effective communication tips and tools, but also other strategies on how to date one another again, how to be more intimate, and spend quality intentional time together. Many of the stories I have heard over the years, have become areas of concern for majority of couples.

I joke with most of my colleagues that "communication" is the issue they come in with, because they are not listening to one another, they are arguing, fighting, or something worse; however, the real issue that I have found is Perspective. If you are unable to see your partner's perspective, even if you don't agree or accept it, then you are not in a healthy relationship. If you are unable to see your partner's perspective, then you are going to disagree, argue, fight, and defend yourself the whole time in this relationship.

If you are unable to see your partner's perspective, then you don't know them, you don't want to know them, and you don't care about them at all. I know it sounds harsh, but these are the realizations couples identify when they start couple's therapy with me as their therapist.

I am a very direct and challenging therapist. I will give you the perspective, suggestions, and guidance to help your marriage/relationship. However, you have to understand that vulnerabilities will come out, emotions, feelings, and truth and honesty will be on your side. You also have to know that if you are unable to see your partner's perspectives, then you cannot add another perspective to the mix: your therapists'.

Healthy Relationship Tips:

1.) Listen to one another.

a.) Listen to Listen

b.) Don't Listen to Respond

Read that again. Are you listening to one another speak about a concern, or are you listening to respond? Most of the time, if not all the time couples tend to listen to respond. They don't do that with their parents, colleagues, friends, and bosses, even their therapists. They do that to each other though.

2.) Ask Questions

a.) Clarifying questions

b.) Genuine questions

i.) don't question your partner

Remember when you met for the first time? All you did the first couple of weeks and months while spending time together, was ask each other questions, so you can get to know one another. The answers to these questions, you listened to, so that you can see whether this person is the type of person you want to have in your life.

3.) Spending Intentional time together

a.) This is intentional with initiation/effort

b.) It doesn't have to be glamorous or expensive

1. It can be a picnic in the backyard

2. Watching your favorite movie

3. Listening to old songs and reminiscing

Spending intentional time together is a big part of the first couple of weeks and months of getting to know one another. For some reason, after a long-term relationship, engagement, marriage, and children, this part of the relationship stops including the previous 2 mentioned above. I understand that work and kids are important for the relationship; however, spending intentional time allows for the marriage to continue and not just spending time with the family part of your marriage.

These are the top 3 healthy relationship tools that I start evaluating with every couple that walks into my therapy office (physically or virtually). Most couples don't realize that they stopped doing these basic three things in their marriages and relationships. Especially, after the honeymoon phase of their relationship. If you are reading this, then you have come to a place where you know you are seeking some information about your relationship.

You are feeling lost, unloved, your needs and wants are not being met, you may not have intimacy and excitement in your relationship anymore, and you are wondering what is next? Before you think about separation and divorce, try these three tools and see how your partner feels about it also? Then, maybe the next step to take is a therapy session to see what other areas of your relationship (aside from communication) need some fine-tuning.

It is similar to an oil change, a carwash, and a detail of your car. Every relationship needs a cleanup, or oil change also before you sell the car and separate from it for good.

The Tips Above are written in this book!